One last time

I wish I could start all over again
I want to stop feeling the pain
No one understands me
No one my fear can see

I try and talk to those who say they love me
I try and explain I feel so cramped I want to be free
But no one listens to what I have to say
They only advise me to change my way

I cry when the lights are out
My mind in fear and in doubt
With no one to turn to
No answers of what to do

Hiding behind closed doors
Lying of the cold floor
The blade cuts through
To a feeling which is not so new

As the wound becomes deeper
I move a step closer
To a world unknown
To life not so torn

I can see the blood seep
I can hear my heart weep
But I know I have to be strong
I know this won't take long

One last time I take a look around
One last time I can feel my feet on the ground
One last time I can hear my sobs
One last time….

My lil sis

I have watched you grow
From a baby who held on to my hand
To a girl with a confident stand

I have seen you take your first steps
I have heard your first words
Now when I look at you
I smile at how fast time has gone by

From my baby doll
To a partner to visit the mall
Together we have built castles in air
Stood strong, as we have seen them break

I'm glad I have a friend at home
Who listens to me talk
Who, copies my walk
Who talks till I sleep
Who makes me laugh when I weep

I want to tell you
How precious you are to me
A reflection of mine in your eyes I see
Thank you for being such a great friend
Thank you for being such a great sister!!!

My place has already been taken …

I looked into you eyes
And searched for the hidden lies
I heard people say
It’s a game you play

Friends had warned me
They said truth I could not see
I was too much into you
To differ lie from what is true

As time moved on
All my doubts were gone
I lay my trust in you
And I gave my life too

At times I could feel the space
I felt fear staring at my face
But then I thought I was paranoid
Just wanting to fill up the void

I followed the path you had shown
I left behind all I had known
Walking away all alone
Little knowing my life was torn

For you I made my family cry
For you I was ready to die
I broke peoples heart
I tore relationships apart

At time I felt I was wrong
But with you I felt I did belong
Though you weren’t always there
Though you loved me you did swear

There were things that didn’t fit
There times when you couldn’t justify your bit
But I just let things go
I tired and let my mind ignore

I ignored you not coming home at night
I ignored your small talks and fights
I tried my best for you not to complain
I always had a smile even though I was in pain

As I walked past people who spoke behind my back
They discussed things I never had or did lack
They looked down upon me
For I was blind to all that I could see
They mocked at my fortune
And sang me off as a broken tune
They laughed at my misery
They gossiped of my tragedy

I wanted to go and hide
Behind closed door I broke down and cried
Then I heard the miffed voices
I realized I was a prey to my own choices
As I lay shattered and broken
I knew my place had already been taken

I close my eyes
Drift to a secure world
I speak to a power
So ambiguously felt
A presence that comforts me
A presence that sets me free

My worries disappear
My heart feels stronger
I can stand up and face my fear
As alone I feel no longer

In him I trust
In him I have faith
Though unknown to my mind
I know he cares I know he is kind
My heart knows believe in him I must

When the sun doesn’t shine
When the clouds creep in
I known I he will guide me through
Even if I’m stranded without a clue

He lets me question his presence
He patiently lets me complain
I doubt his love for me
I cry because he doesn’t let me be
And yet when I need him
I find him there standing tall
Making my problems fade away just like a dream.

There are times I forget to say thank you
There are times when I forget to say my prayer
Yet amidst all the confusion and the chaos
I know god will always be there
I know his love for me 100 % true

In faith

I continue in faith
Believe in hope
I tread along
On roads unknown
As question remain unanswered
My heart still beats
With dreams shattered
I still move on
Waiting for luck to shine
Waiting for the day to be mine
I continue in faith…

Trapped inside

As the sun sets
The evil creeps in
His eyes turn red
In search of the dead

The thirst of blood
The want of human scent
The sudden urge to rip apart a heart
Is what he wants from him apart

He knows this is what he is destined to be
He knows he can’t do anything to change
When the sun is around no difference is found
Only in the dark he seems a little strange

He wishes he could be back home
But then when the clouds reveal the moon
His back rips open, his eyes burn and his heart turns stone
He knows its time for him to out alone

Walking on all four in the moonlight
through the woods is his daily routine
Scared he might be hunted down
Scared he might be seen
He wonders in the dark waiting for the night to fade
Waiting for the dawn to peep
so he can go home and catch some sleep

Only if he was not cursed
Life would always be normal
With days at work
And evenings with loved ones
Now he spends his days tired
With only a blink of sleep
He smiles as he walks
With guilt he talks
He wants be free, he wants a human feel
But he knows things can never be the same
Because he had started the game
He had made the deal..

Who said marriages are made in heaven?

I have to go get things ready
I need to look good and pose for the camera
That’s an instruction given to me
Cause I’m going to be a display object to see

My mom says I have to be perfect
My family mocks at my age
Fearing I had die a spinster at old age
They tell me to prepare
Disobeying them I cannot dare

You are lucky
At least you had a choice
I was all dolled up for the day
Everything went their way

I had no clue
I was not prepared
To start a journey out of the blue
But then nobody ever asked me

Oh!! please stop complaining
You are happy your parents did things right
At least you don’t feel lonely at night
I sit alone waiting for my family to take the first step
I try and explain
But they tell me its too early
Though I’m thirty, nearly..

At least your families are happy
The most important day for you
Will be filled with joy and laughter
I have always been independent
I know what I want
But to no one it matters

I have my new life waiting for me
It’s hard my family can ignore it
It’s hard to believe they cannot see
The love, the joy I feel
Everything for them is far from real

They want me to change for them
They don’t mind if I have to die alone
As long as I follow the path they show

Marriage a bond so strong
It is a relation that will last you life long
It is a language spoken by all
It is common for both the short and tall
Yet we see so many interpretations
So many different variations
To reason known and reason that will always remain the same
No matter what religion, name

Dark days..Darker nights..

I sit here in a room so cold
In the dark I await to confront my fear
I remember how I was always told
To be strong and never shed a tear

It started with a small argument
Which heated to a fight
I tried to stop you, I tried to calm you
But I landed bruised that night

I wanted to walk out
You promised me you had never shout
You begged for me to stay back
Assured me you had get our life on track

Your promise lasted for a day
You went back to your old way
I wished I had the strength to move on
I wished I had known all your love was long gone

My days became dark
My nights I no longer saw
The wounds cut in so deep
Seeing them a stranger could weep

I hide from the world
I walked away from friends
Ashamed I would pretend
Like things were fine
Making others believe the fault was always mine

My pain seems far my grief is nothing
When I see their innocent smile
When I feel their gentle touch
They take away my sorrow
They make me want a brighter tomorrow

I have to protect them
I have to keep them safe
I want to surround them with affection
And secure them with love
In them I never want to see your reflection

I make a promise to myself
To get out of this hell
I have to be strong
I know I can no longer like this can carry on

As the rays of sunlight pierce my eyes
My heart skips a beat
As door opens wide
Footstep become more clear
His breath seems so near
As he walks up to me
I plunge down my anger straight into his heart
I can feel the warmth of his blood
For the first time in his eyes fear I see
I want to tear his soul apart
For all that he has done to me

Favorite child

Everybody loved her
Her smile was a charm
Her heart was warm
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

She thought she was lucky
To have a family so loving
To have friends so caring
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

She thought she was blessed
So she put in that extra mile
She did things to make others smile
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

Everybody wanted her to be theirs
Her life was owned by their commands
Her steps where governed by their demands
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

She thought they would stand by her
To guide her through her decisions
To help her see her visions
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

She thought they heard her speak
She told them her stories
She spoke of her memories
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

Everybody was taken surprised
Her dreams were not for her to decide
Her wishes were not for her to say
How could she leave them behind?
How could she have her own mind?
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

She thought they would love her for life
But she was wrong, too late she realized
Their love lasted till she had not spoken
Their affection showed till her eyes had not opened
How could she have a thought of her own?
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

Understanding me..

I have seen this feeling in the face
I have felt the pain and the disgrace
People I loved have told me to go
They look away at the fear of my shadow

No matter how hard I try
No matter how much I care
Every step I take is considered a mistake
Every emotions of mine is considered fake
To them my love feels like a lie

I don’t know where I go wrong
I listen to their sorrows
I wipe their tears
And yet they look at me with fear

They question my love
They hurt my feelings
They stay away from me
Cause no faith in me they can see

I want them to know I’m not that bad
I want them to know they make me sad
If only they would have understood me
My love for them they would see

I didn't want to

I can see grim faces
I can see teary eyes
All wishing for a miracle
All wanting to trade their lives

I had never seen so much love
I had never felt so much pain
The white corridors were filled with people
Each trying to console the other

I wanted them to know all would be OK
I wanted them to know I would make things right
I wanted them to know I would be there till the morn
Keeping them company all through the night

I didn’t want to hurt them so bad
I didn’t want to make them cry
I didn’t want to leave them behind
I really dint want to die…

I struggled to see them for the last time
I put on a fake smile
My heart didn’t want to let go
But life had other plans
The faces faded out
The voices seemed far
I knew it was time to move on
I knew it was time to go…

Unknown voices

As the day fades
I walk deeper into the woods
I want to stay away
But something compels me to go on

Unknown voices fill my mind
They conquer my thoughts
And rule my heart
I want to say no
But I still continue to go

Lost in the darkness
I stumble across the path
I dread my next step
As the future I cannot see
But the voices keep me focused
They tell me where to be

I continue in blind faith
Believing in what I can only hear
I want to break free
I want me to explore
Instead on being what the voices want me to be

I have tried to escape
I have tired to hide
But they always seem to be following
Ruling my mind guiding my soul
I want them to let go
But they never will, I know…