End of a new beginning

I could feel your heart
Its rhythm aligned with mine
I could picture your face
With a little of my trace

You made me feel complete
You gave me a reason to live
I spent my days waiting to hold you
Waiting for my dreams to come true

Your were my sunshine
You were my
You were the one who had given me the courage
To take-up this new voyage

For months I prayed for your safety
For months I thanked god
I imagined our time together
Filling my heart with pleasure

Then came the time
When you would see the world with me
With every clock tick
My heart began to panic

I could feel something wrong
You weren’t being your self
Your soul seemed to have gone
Leaving behind a dark dawn

You lay in my arms
Wrapped in love
Your face was perfect, your fingers so small
I held on to you hoping for a miracle
Hoping you would smile back at me
Hoping I would hear your crying
But somewhere in my heart I knew this was the end of a new beginning

Paint it black

Paint it black
Don’t let the pain show
Hide the drifts
Don’t let them grow

Paint it black
The color of hate
Holding together a relation
By luck and fate

Paint it black
Coz my heart feels cold
Caressing loneliness
Which with time unfolds

Paint it black
Our pictures together
Reminding of time
Which I will regret forever

Paint it black
Nothing else you can do
You hid you cheated
Its only anger I feel for you

Paint it black
Cover what remains
I don’t want memories
Lingering around causing pain

Paint it black
Coz those days were dark
They captured my soul
Leaving behind a life without a spark

Paint it black
Leave it that way
Hiding all my sorrows
Burying my rainy days

My mommy strongest :)

She held my hand at every step
She is my strength at every fall
She is my pillar on which I blindly lean
She is my courage that remains unseen

She has been with me all my life
She cared for me with all her love
Looked after my needs with all her heart
She has protected me even though we were apart

She hid her compromise with a smile
Just to give me the life I live
She has shared her joys and covered her pain
Just so that my happiness remains

She has heard me cry
She has heard me scream
She has felt my pain
Even before I complain

She watched me walk away from home
She watched me as I drifted to a world of friends
Yet she stood by me when the world turned away
Together with me she waited till the night turned day

I have never really thanked her
For the love she bestowed upon me
For making me feel like the luckiest daughter
To have such a wonderful friends a wonderful mother


Thank you Aai

!!!

As the pain cuts through
Silently I watch you
A smile spreads across your face
No signs of regret I could trace

I had put my trust in you
Believed every word you said was true
You hid behind the shadows of hate
Planning my death as a part of your fate

I had never done you any wrong
For your hatred to be so strong
Your eyes filled with remorse
As if crying over somebody’s loss

As I struggled to stay alive
I knew this is the end I wouldn’t survive
I wish I had known what had I done
To be killed by my own son

One last time

I wish I could start all over again
I want to stop feeling the pain
No one understands me
No one my fear can see

I try and talk to those who say they love me
I try and explain I feel so cramped I want to be free
But no one listens to what I have to say
They only advise me to change my way

I cry when the lights are out
My mind in fear and in doubt
With no one to turn to
No answers of what to do

Hiding behind closed doors
Lying of the cold floor
The blade cuts through
To a feeling which is not so new

As the wound becomes deeper
I move a step closer
To a world unknown
To life not so torn

I can see the blood seep
I can hear my heart weep
But I know I have to be strong
I know this won't take long

One last time I take a look around
One last time I can feel my feet on the ground
One last time I can hear my sobs
One last time….

My lil sis

I have watched you grow
From a baby who held on to my hand
To a girl with a confident stand

I have seen you take your first steps
I have heard your first words
Now when I look at you
I smile at how fast time has gone by

From my baby doll
To a partner to visit the mall
Together we have built castles in air
Stood strong, as we have seen them break

I'm glad I have a friend at home
Who listens to me talk
Who, copies my walk
Who talks till I sleep
Who makes me laugh when I weep

I want to tell you
How precious you are to me
A reflection of mine in your eyes I see
Thank you for being such a great friend
Thank you for being such a great sister!!!

My place has already been taken …

I looked into you eyes
And searched for the hidden lies
I heard people say
It’s a game you play

Friends had warned me
They said truth I could not see
I was too much into you
To differ lie from what is true

As time moved on
All my doubts were gone
I lay my trust in you
And I gave my life too

At times I could feel the space
I felt fear staring at my face
But then I thought I was paranoid
Just wanting to fill up the void

I followed the path you had shown
I left behind all I had known
Walking away all alone
Little knowing my life was torn

For you I made my family cry
For you I was ready to die
I broke peoples heart
I tore relationships apart

At time I felt I was wrong
But with you I felt I did belong
Though you weren’t always there
Though you loved me you did swear

There were things that didn’t fit
There times when you couldn’t justify your bit
But I just let things go
I tired and let my mind ignore

I ignored you not coming home at night
I ignored your small talks and fights
I tried my best for you not to complain
I always had a smile even though I was in pain

As I walked past people who spoke behind my back
They discussed things I never had or did lack
They looked down upon me
For I was blind to all that I could see
They mocked at my fortune
And sang me off as a broken tune
They laughed at my misery
They gossiped of my tragedy

I wanted to go and hide
Behind closed door I broke down and cried
Then I heard the miffed voices
I realized I was a prey to my own choices
As I lay shattered and broken
I knew my place had already been taken

I close my eyes
Drift to a secure world
I speak to a power
So ambiguously felt
A presence that comforts me
A presence that sets me free

My worries disappear
My heart feels stronger
I can stand up and face my fear
As alone I feel no longer

In him I trust
In him I have faith
Though unknown to my mind
I know he cares I know he is kind
My heart knows believe in him I must

When the sun doesn’t shine
When the clouds creep in
I known I he will guide me through
Even if I’m stranded without a clue

He lets me question his presence
He patiently lets me complain
I doubt his love for me
I cry because he doesn’t let me be
And yet when I need him
I find him there standing tall
Making my problems fade away just like a dream.

There are times I forget to say thank you
There are times when I forget to say my prayer
Yet amidst all the confusion and the chaos
I know god will always be there
I know his love for me 100 % true

In faith

I continue in faith
Believe in hope
I tread along
On roads unknown
As question remain unanswered
My heart still beats
With dreams shattered
I still move on
Waiting for luck to shine
Waiting for the day to be mine
I continue in faith…

Trapped inside

As the sun sets
The evil creeps in
His eyes turn red
In search of the dead

The thirst of blood
The want of human scent
The sudden urge to rip apart a heart
Is what he wants from him apart

He knows this is what he is destined to be
He knows he can’t do anything to change
When the sun is around no difference is found
Only in the dark he seems a little strange

He wishes he could be back home
But then when the clouds reveal the moon
His back rips open, his eyes burn and his heart turns stone
He knows its time for him to out alone

Walking on all four in the moonlight
through the woods is his daily routine
Scared he might be hunted down
Scared he might be seen
He wonders in the dark waiting for the night to fade
Waiting for the dawn to peep
so he can go home and catch some sleep

Only if he was not cursed
Life would always be normal
With days at work
And evenings with loved ones
Now he spends his days tired
With only a blink of sleep
He smiles as he walks
With guilt he talks
He wants be free, he wants a human feel
But he knows things can never be the same
Because he had started the game
He had made the deal..

Who said marriages are made in heaven?

I have to go get things ready
I need to look good and pose for the camera
That’s an instruction given to me
Cause I’m going to be a display object to see

My mom says I have to be perfect
My family mocks at my age
Fearing I had die a spinster at old age
They tell me to prepare
Disobeying them I cannot dare

You are lucky
At least you had a choice
I was all dolled up for the day
Everything went their way

I had no clue
I was not prepared
To start a journey out of the blue
But then nobody ever asked me

Oh!! please stop complaining
You are happy your parents did things right
At least you don’t feel lonely at night
I sit alone waiting for my family to take the first step
I try and explain
But they tell me its too early
Though I’m thirty, nearly..

At least your families are happy
The most important day for you
Will be filled with joy and laughter
I have always been independent
I know what I want
But to no one it matters

I have my new life waiting for me
It’s hard my family can ignore it
It’s hard to believe they cannot see
The love, the joy I feel
Everything for them is far from real

They want me to change for them
They don’t mind if I have to die alone
As long as I follow the path they show

Marriage a bond so strong
It is a relation that will last you life long
It is a language spoken by all
It is common for both the short and tall
Yet we see so many interpretations
So many different variations
To reason known and reason that will always remain the same
No matter what religion, name

Dark days..Darker nights..

I sit here in a room so cold
In the dark I await to confront my fear
I remember how I was always told
To be strong and never shed a tear

It started with a small argument
Which heated to a fight
I tried to stop you, I tried to calm you
But I landed bruised that night

I wanted to walk out
You promised me you had never shout
You begged for me to stay back
Assured me you had get our life on track

Your promise lasted for a day
You went back to your old way
I wished I had the strength to move on
I wished I had known all your love was long gone

My days became dark
My nights I no longer saw
The wounds cut in so deep
Seeing them a stranger could weep

I hide from the world
I walked away from friends
Ashamed I would pretend
Like things were fine
Making others believe the fault was always mine

My pain seems far my grief is nothing
When I see their innocent smile
When I feel their gentle touch
They take away my sorrow
They make me want a brighter tomorrow

I have to protect them
I have to keep them safe
I want to surround them with affection
And secure them with love
In them I never want to see your reflection

I make a promise to myself
To get out of this hell
I have to be strong
I know I can no longer like this can carry on

As the rays of sunlight pierce my eyes
My heart skips a beat
As door opens wide
Footstep become more clear
His breath seems so near
As he walks up to me
I plunge down my anger straight into his heart
I can feel the warmth of his blood
For the first time in his eyes fear I see
I want to tear his soul apart
For all that he has done to me

Favorite child

Everybody loved her
Her smile was a charm
Her heart was warm
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

She thought she was lucky
To have a family so loving
To have friends so caring
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

She thought she was blessed
So she put in that extra mile
She did things to make others smile
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

Everybody wanted her to be theirs
Her life was owned by their commands
Her steps where governed by their demands
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

She thought they would stand by her
To guide her through her decisions
To help her see her visions
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

She thought they heard her speak
She told them her stories
She spoke of her memories
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

Everybody was taken surprised
Her dreams were not for her to decide
Her wishes were not for her to say
How could she leave them behind?
How could she have her own mind?
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

She thought they would love her for life
But she was wrong, too late she realized
Their love lasted till she had not spoken
Their affection showed till her eyes had not opened
How could she have a thought of her own?
After all she was everybody’s favorite child

Understanding me..

I have seen this feeling in the face
I have felt the pain and the disgrace
People I loved have told me to go
They look away at the fear of my shadow

No matter how hard I try
No matter how much I care
Every step I take is considered a mistake
Every emotions of mine is considered fake
To them my love feels like a lie

I don’t know where I go wrong
I listen to their sorrows
I wipe their tears
And yet they look at me with fear

They question my love
They hurt my feelings
They stay away from me
Cause no faith in me they can see

I want them to know I’m not that bad
I want them to know they make me sad
If only they would have understood me
My love for them they would see

I didn't want to

I can see grim faces
I can see teary eyes
All wishing for a miracle
All wanting to trade their lives

I had never seen so much love
I had never felt so much pain
The white corridors were filled with people
Each trying to console the other

I wanted them to know all would be OK
I wanted them to know I would make things right
I wanted them to know I would be there till the morn
Keeping them company all through the night

I didn’t want to hurt them so bad
I didn’t want to make them cry
I didn’t want to leave them behind
I really dint want to die…

I struggled to see them for the last time
I put on a fake smile
My heart didn’t want to let go
But life had other plans
The faces faded out
The voices seemed far
I knew it was time to move on
I knew it was time to go…

Unknown voices

As the day fades
I walk deeper into the woods
I want to stay away
But something compels me to go on

Unknown voices fill my mind
They conquer my thoughts
And rule my heart
I want to say no
But I still continue to go

Lost in the darkness
I stumble across the path
I dread my next step
As the future I cannot see
But the voices keep me focused
They tell me where to be

I continue in blind faith
Believing in what I can only hear
I want to break free
I want me to explore
Instead on being what the voices want me to be

I have tried to escape
I have tired to hide
But they always seem to be following
Ruling my mind guiding my soul
I want them to let go
But they never will, I know…

Irony of life

When you want the sun to shine out bright
When you think everything is going your way
Just when you feel things are perfect
The clouds creep in
The day fades leaving behind a dim light
And that’s the end of a perfect day

This is life
This is the irony
It plays a game
Something that we never can see

When you want to catch a dream
When you think the time has finally come
Just when you feel your hard work has paid off
You can hear a laugh
The dreams you had built have all been shattered
And that’s the end of something that mattered

This is life
This is the irony
It plays a game
Something that we never can see

When you want someone so much
When you are waiting for that one touch
Just when you feel you can ask her out
The distance seems further
Your steps take longer
And that’s the of a perfect bond

This is life
This is the irony
It plays a game
Something that we never can see

When you finally feel content
When you think you have got all that you want
Just when sorrows no longer haunt
The doors open
The day fades, the lights dim
And that is the end of a perfect life

Friend

When I think of the time we spend together
It brings a smile on my face
The memories of those days
Reminds me of our carefree ways

We could talk for days together
People were amused at us forever
They thought we had get bored someday
But till now we haven’t parted our ways

We shared unspoken words
We stood together through thick and thin
And happily shared our losses and wins
Together we never need a third

I’m glad I found a true friend in you
You stood up for me when I needed it the most
You told me right from wrong when I seemed to be a little lost
I’m glad to have found a friendship so true

Today when our only meetings are virtual
Our understanding still remains mutual
We can still share a moment of silence
In mails that we read
And messages that we send
But I still feel the strength of our friendship will never end


(poo this is for u)

College days

As I left my secure world behind
I started a new journey
A step towards new friends
A bond build to last till the end

With time passing by
Strangers were no longer strange
It was a surprisingly an easy change
From faces unknown
To a new family I built

We all spent hours together
Building dreams and holding on to each other
Talking endlessly into the nights
Surviving and becoming stronger even through fights

We thought the same thoughts
Shared the same laughter
Together nothing else ever seemed to matter

When time came to bid goodbye
Eyes filled with tears
In my heart I always knew you had be near
Cause we had made a promise to be friends till we die

....

I feel so drained
I don’t know what to do or where to go
I wish somebody could guide me through

I have always been strong
Never needed anyone for so long
But now I feel alone

For ages I always had hope
I have always known how to cope
But now I feel lost

I can’t seem to find a light
It feels like I no longer have the will to fight
I’m drowning in the ocean of my sorrows

I wish I could get out
I wish I could start all over again
I wish I wasn’t in as much pain

The world seem to turn its back on me
I can only feel the darkness
Capturing me and tearing away my happiness

I feel so tired
I no longer feel like going on
The faith is gone
And my hope is lost
I no longer believe
All I can do is in sadness grieve

It's time to let go

It’s time I let go
It’s time I move on
I want to stay
I don’t want to leave
As I walk away my heart sits and grieves

I have packed all my memories
I have taken along my precious moments
Hoping they will be my support
When I would be alone and would need you the most

I know I have broken my promise
I know I’m to blame
You would be hurt and u would feel deceived
But some things can never be the same

As time flies
You would realize
All I meant was love
All I ever wanted was for you to be happy
I walked with a tear in my eye
I walked way even If I knew I without you I had die

I wish you forgave me
I wish you could picture what I can see
I hope in vain
You could see my pain

I leave with a prayer
And with a promise that I will always care
My heart bleeds
My soul cries
I know it’s time to let go
I know it’s time to move on

Do I ?

I’m staring at the ceiling
Hoping to find an answer to my feelings
I feel the clutter inside me
It drowns me like a drop in the sea

Why is that I feel so restless
My mind seem elsewhere
My heart is crying
If only I knew what I was meant to do
If only I had a reason to start again and new

I look for a meaning
I search for the truth
The empty silence, the blank walls
I feel like I need an awakening call

There is a void within my soul
A pain that doesn’t let go
It’s the numbness within my heart
That feels like it could tear me apart

I wonder what is really wrong
I wonder the core of my existence
Do I really need to be alive?
Do I really need to survive?
Do I make a difference to anybody?
Or am’ I just another nobody…

Love you!!!

When you came into my life
You swept me of my feet
With love so true and promises so strong
I knew you were the one
To hold my hand, to be with me all along

You guided me through rough times
You protected me from the world outside
You held me close when I needed it the most
I knew you were the one
To swim back with me all the way back to the coast

With the first step we took together
The world for me changed forever
Everyday is a new beginning
Every night is so special
I knew you were the one
To have given my life a new meaning

It’s been so long that you have stood by me
Things have changed but only for the better
The joy so endless and love so true
That with every passing day our relation is getting stronger
I knew you were the one
Cause I love you, I really do

I knew it was coming

I waited.
I hoped...
I prayed....
Then there were tears
Somewhere in my heart
I knew I was alone left to face my fears
I had blind faith in you
Faith, which took me away from my inner voice
I ignored the warnings felt by me
I should have backed out when I had a choice

In you I believed
Your hands I trusted
My life I gave away to you
Without a question of your love for me being true
When you walked out of my life
I had no one to blame but me
All along I knew what was happening
Nothing was hidden the facts I was just denying

I didn’t want to face the truth
I was sacred of what I would hear
I was scared to go back to being without you
I was scared of not having you near

If only we had spoken
If only I knew what took you away
We might have still been together
We might have had a future

Sorry

When I look into your eyes
They seem so far
The closeness we had build together
Seems to have lost forever
Yet I hold on a final string of hope
I wish all this would pass by
Long before my heart dies

I want to stand by your side
I want to hold your hand
I want you to know I understand
I want you to know its ok to have cried

Promises we had made have been lost
Dreams we had built have been shattered
Our paths have crossed and have parted ways
With loneliness being a companion for our days

I want to take it back to old days
I want to say sorry I will mend my ways
I want you to know what matters to me the most is you
I want you to know I will always be waiting for you

We always were best of friends
With plans of being together till the end
We understood we cared
Every joy and tear we always shared

Walking together hand in hand
I never realized when you fingers slipped out of mine
I was waiting for you to return
I was hoping your steps would turn
I hoped till the stars spread their shine
Till I realized you were no longer mine

I want the pain to go away
I want my soul to be free
Free from a burden of hurting you
As my steps take me to an uncertain way
The grounds beneath me slip away
I wish you had known my love for you
Was always pure was always true
As the winds blow and night turns lonely
I walk into the oceans to be forever free

Questions unanswered

As I open my eyes to the world
I can see the disappointed faces
I can hear the hushed whispers
Drowned in the silent sobs and the painful tears

My smile answered by anger
My voice silenced by hatred
My questions remain unanswered
My soul remains untouched

I take my first step
A step to survive
I ask for help, I look for support
I reach out for a lending hand
Pulled away before I could stand

The doors are slammed on my face
I’m treated like filth, I’m treated like dirt
Just the way I was always treated from birth

Through the sun and the rain
There is only one thing that remains
It is my heart in sorrow, my heart in pain

I spent my life wondering on streets
Looking for an answer
Looking for a meaning
In search of a new beginning
To a life so unwanted
A wound so deep
It could make the heavens bleed
It could make the dead weep.

Two worlds apart

I walk past a window 

With lights glittering inside 

Warmth of happiness 

And joy so endless 

A smile draws across my face 

They looked so blessed 

They seem so free 

In their eyes the world you see 

The echo of their laughter fills my ears 

They look like angel's all so near 

Then the lights fade 

As the night creeps 

I hear a little sob 

I hear little weep 

I walk to window right across the street 

To a world so different, yet so sweet 

They looked blessed 

They seem so calm 

Theirs eyes filled with hope 

Their minds ready to explore 

They are the ones I really adore 

Both worlds seem so apart 

Yet they have the same love in their heart 

One filled with glittering gold 

The other of stories untold

Tanvee

Memories lost

My mind drifts to my past
Something I have tried to figure out for so long
I seem to have a vague image
With memories so blur
And faces so strange
I feel like a bird locked up in a cage

As I look at people walk past me
I search through the crowd
Searching for path
To take me back to my start

I pray real hard to take me back
Back to a life that I knew
Back to the place where I belong
Even if it was a broken song

As the rain pours down
I feel so helpless
My tears drown in drops of heaven
I move around my walk so aimless

In darkness as I search for the a way
A light guides me out to the day
Leaves me behind with a happy thought
To be thankful for the new life I have got

You moved on..

Life came to a sudden stop
When I heard you had moved on
Just yesterday you were there
And now you are gone

Your face looks calm
You look so much at peace
Even at this hour
I’m enchanted by your charm

I can’t let go of you
I don’t understand
How you could survive
Without holding my hand

I wish you could explain
I wish we could reason
I wish I could ask
Why you left me behind in pain

Without a word
You seem to have closed the doors to the world
In darkness I sit
Waiting for an answer
Waiting for a response

They are taking you away from me
No argument from you I see
This not what you promised
This is not what we wished.

The rays of the sun peep through my window
I smile at the thought of a new beginning
The sky seems clear the flowers look bright
It’s a new day a new start a new life

I'm glad yesterday passed by
I'm glad I could survive the dark clouds
I feel like a survivor
I feel a lot stronger

I have faith in myself
I have hope that never fades
I walk away from my past
This is how I move on to happiness that always lasts.

A friend in me one day you will see ..

When I look into your eyes
I can see the anger
Your heart full of hatred
I can feel your regret
I can hear your cries

You say you love me
but that is not what i see
I can sense the fear
A fear of me being near

Every minute we spend together
Every voice that comes from within
Seems to push me away
Feels like i will loose you forever

I want you to know
I will always be there
Waiting for you to call
Holding you when you fall
I want you to know I really do care

You may have lost your trust in me
You may have moved a million steps away
But I will always love you come what may
And hope a friend in me you will one day see.

There are days when the sun don’t shine
There are days when the flowers don’t bloom
These are the days when I gloom
These are days when you no longer were mine

Every moment I spend alone
Every step I take away from you
Every time I try to start new
I feel life within me has gone

The nights seem long
The moon doesn’t show
My heart doesn’t want to let go
You leave me behind not so strong

Every moment I spend alone
Every breath I take in loneliness
I live in darkness
Even though my happiness is long gone

My walking stick

You are a constant support
Standing by me
Guiding my steps
You are my walking stick in drapes.

With you around
I feel very secure and sound
Making it easier to move ahead
You are my walking stick, after all is said.

I love the way u always walk with me
You take away my pains
Cause I know you won’t let me fall
You are my walking stick, standing tall

We walk hand in hand
We always by each other stand
No matter where, no matter what
All battles together we have fought
And you are the best walking stick I have ever got.

I wake each morning
Looking forward to the day
I wonder what life would unfold
A surprise on its way

I walk past the memories
I smile at their thought
Silently wishing things always remain the same
And thanking god for the life I have got

Everyday is a new beginning
To a joy of love
To a feeling of being
To a number of blessing sent from above :)

Take me away

I miss you a lot
Since the time you have left
I feel a void within me
I wish you hadn’t left me behind
Without you to this world I’m blind.

The day we parted ways
I had to go back to loneliness
You had taken it away when we met
With a promise to always be there we started a new world
A promise you never kept.
A world that was shattered without a word.

I wonder why it had to be you
Why weren’t we given a little more time?
To capture life together
To collect memories forever

As I drown in my grief
I see you standing by me...
You reach out for my hand
And make a promise to always beside me stand.
My eyes close to the world behind
With you I will a new life surely find.

I don't understand us any more
I feel shut out behind a closed door
When I look around I no more know who am I?
It so difficult for me to gather the truth from the lie

I believed in you,
Held on to every word you said...
All this for leaving me dead
I fought the inner voice that held me back
Maybe if I had listened I would still be on track.

Now I'm lost, don't know where to go
In this darkness the path won't show.
I wish I never trusted you
I wished I knew what was really true

You cheated me and left me hurt
As I wait for life to end...
A little prayer upwards I do send
I pray never to meet a person like you next birth!!!!

When you are gone

I feel so lost
I feel so alone
I feel like I have no where to go
I feel like I have no one to talk

I wish all this would end
I wish I didn’t need so much to depend
I wish I could be on my own
I wish my heart didn’t feel so torn

Life has played a game on me
Given me what I always wanted
With a dark lining that I never did see
Its mocked at me and left a soul forever haunted

I sit here waiting for someone to listen
I sit here hoping for someone to understand
I search for an answer to my problems
I search for peace within myself

All this with a hope that’s fading away
With love that I can no longer feel
With dreams that no longer seem as real
With a life that no longer seems alive